一期一会

There are days when I think I should just take Kotaku off my RSS feed.

Korea Might Ban Steam

( Cut for rage )

Required 101 reading before engaging:

• "Check my what?" On privilege and what we can do about it.
• Derailing for Dummies

I hate feeling tired all the time.  It's ridiculous since I get a decent enough amount of sleep compared to some of my peers (probably due to the fact I do less work than them...).  Yet it seems I only spend about 1/4 of the day, or even just my life, fully awake or alert.  Consequently, nothing I do ever seems good enough or even enough.  I know I should work harder.  I know I should be doing better.  I whine too much and can't seem to keep my mouth shut even knowing so.  As people have been kind enough to point out in the past in a rather succinct manner: I suck.

Here's a song for having to deal with my inferiority issues.  Sometimes, this one helps me feel just a bit more awake...

Sounds of Life (Feat. Jasmine Yee) by Pendulum

( Lyrics )

The following is in response to this, thus here are my feelings about Mao and me.

Just yesterday, we were discussing different styles of Chinese cuisine in Chinese class. My professor made it a point to mention that Mao Tse Tung and many of today's Party authority are from the area of Sichuan cuisine, which is mainly hot and spicy. One of my classmates raised her hand and said, "Maybe there's something about hot and spicy food that makes for a good leader."

I was absolutely livid upon hearing her words. I probably shouldn't fault her too much. I did want to stand up and scream, "What on this fucking earth would make Mao Tse Tung a good leader?"

Fine, the bastard made the Nationalist join with them to fight off the Japanese in World War II. Then you look at it today, those Maoist bastards are still using the same trick. This is not to say the Japanese are completely without any fault in the debate, but I always get the sense the Party is milking the conflict for all its worth to divert the attention of the citizens from problems within the country (unequviable distribution of wealth, rural vs. urban conditions, the "peasant apartheid," human rights issues, etc.) by displacing it on some outside "alien" source.

It's most likely because I'm more American in most senses than I am Chinese, but I really can't contemplate how people can still adore Mao or any of the Party authority in this day and age. Then again, I live in a society of (mostly) free information and free speech. In China, you are more or less brainwashed from early childhood education on in the philosophies of Mao and the Party. As it is taught, "there is no one more important than the Party, not even family." Education is censored, books are censored, media is censored, and internet is censored. Perhaps I still have a lot more to understand about the modern incarnation of my cultural heritage, but I find it extremely difficult to view Mao Tse Tung or his "compatriots" in any semblance of positive light.

What I cannot forgive them for is the Cultural Revolution, the condemning of intellectuals, the sacking of historical antiquities, the blatant disrespect for other people's lives, the thousands and millions of people that starved as a result of the sorely misguided Great Leap Forward and land redistribution, and more. Corruption still runs rampant today. The Nationalists had their share of corruption in their day too. I cannot deny that as it is a fact. Would China really be for all the better if they had continued to rule? I'm no god or seer, so who am I to say? But I cling to that slight hope that it could have been for the better.

This is one subject I will always be very biased about. I'm probably not that coherent regarding the subject either...

And I fucking loathe simplified characters too. You (the Party) were destroying literacy pretty damn well on your own before you even introduced that.