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Feb. 20th, 2009 01:53 pmIt occurs to me that next year, it will pretty much be Mike, me, and the cat. While that means moving to a smaller apartment (not really a bad thing honestly), it will also mean seeing less people on a daily basis. With Molly trying to find work overseas, it's doubtful she'll stay in Pittsburgh after graduation.
That means no more random bouts of Settlers of Cataan and drinking. No more gaming. And well, no more parties in general. Molly throws all the parties after all.
I don't have any delusions about myself. I'm horrible at making friends. I'm horrible at keeping friends too. It's not an excuse, as it's clearly a deficiency in my own social skills and self-perceptions.
The people I see on a daily basis are my co-workers (all older than me with families and significantly different interests, and if they even come into the lab for there are days when I'm all by myself), my roommates, and maybe participants in whatever experiment I'm running at the moment. Most of the people I would "hang out" with are in another state.
But hey, I made that choice myself right? I guess I shouldn't be complaining, especially since I have a full-time job with benefits and a roof over my head. Not like it would be a wise choice to scoot back to NYC now, with the current job market and high standard of living there. I made that choice when I came here for college, away from all my friends from high school. I was just one of those people that never really made the transition successfully and came out all the worse for it social-skills-wise. But yeah, my own fault right?
We like to tell ourselves we can always change ourselves for the better. While that may be objectively true, the reality as we are able to perceive it is infinitely harder.
Yes, I'm rambling. I'm indifferent most times toward my current work; research is no longer as alluring as it used to be. I'm a bit lonely on a certain level, but I'm not completely alone. I yearn for more without really knowing what it is that I yearn for.
The five-year high school reunion is coming up, and I feel I have nothing to show for myself despite knowing there are people worse off than me.
That means no more random bouts of Settlers of Cataan and drinking. No more gaming. And well, no more parties in general. Molly throws all the parties after all.
I don't have any delusions about myself. I'm horrible at making friends. I'm horrible at keeping friends too. It's not an excuse, as it's clearly a deficiency in my own social skills and self-perceptions.
The people I see on a daily basis are my co-workers (all older than me with families and significantly different interests, and if they even come into the lab for there are days when I'm all by myself), my roommates, and maybe participants in whatever experiment I'm running at the moment. Most of the people I would "hang out" with are in another state.
But hey, I made that choice myself right? I guess I shouldn't be complaining, especially since I have a full-time job with benefits and a roof over my head. Not like it would be a wise choice to scoot back to NYC now, with the current job market and high standard of living there. I made that choice when I came here for college, away from all my friends from high school. I was just one of those people that never really made the transition successfully and came out all the worse for it social-skills-wise. But yeah, my own fault right?
We like to tell ourselves we can always change ourselves for the better. While that may be objectively true, the reality as we are able to perceive it is infinitely harder.
Yes, I'm rambling. I'm indifferent most times toward my current work; research is no longer as alluring as it used to be. I'm a bit lonely on a certain level, but I'm not completely alone. I yearn for more without really knowing what it is that I yearn for.
The five-year high school reunion is coming up, and I feel I have nothing to show for myself despite knowing there are people worse off than me.
