Alecto, I honestly cannot think of anything to say to this other than that you have mastered the technique of the powerful, addictive first line. Pure genius. It is it's simplicity which draws the reader in, makes them wonder about these shadows and their origins ... just lovely.
"As we ascend the rickety stairs, we pass under strips of light and shadow cast by the exposed rafters overhead. "
Gorgeous, vivid concrete image. I'm glad you put this in, because it serves as a sort of anchor for the rest of the story. When there is nothing *happening* in a drabble and it is all contemplation and philosiphy, there is something that is lost. This line, however, gives a setting, a definite event to which the reader can cling. Wow. And I love the comparisons of light and dark in the next two paragraphs. Stunning.
"If you won’t let me love anything else of you, at least let me love the shadows you cast."
Alecto, I honestly cannot think of anything to say to this other than that you have mastered the technique of the perfect, inexorable last line. Heart-breaking, realistic, and so beautiful that it hurts.
All in all, I'd say that this was a rather gigantic success on your part.
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2004-07-26 08:51 pm (UTC)Alecto, I honestly cannot think of anything to say to this other than that you have mastered the technique of the powerful, addictive first line. Pure genius. It is it's simplicity which draws the reader in, makes them wonder about these shadows and their origins ... just lovely.
"As we ascend the rickety stairs, we pass under strips of light and shadow cast by the exposed rafters overhead. "
Gorgeous, vivid concrete image. I'm glad you put this in, because it serves as a sort of anchor for the rest of the story. When there is nothing *happening* in a drabble and it is all contemplation and philosiphy, there is something that is lost. This line, however, gives a setting, a definite event to which the reader can cling. Wow. And I love the comparisons of light and dark in the next two paragraphs. Stunning.
"If you won’t let me love anything else of you, at least let me love the shadows you cast."
Alecto, I honestly cannot think of anything to say to this other than that you have mastered the technique of the perfect, inexorable last line. Heart-breaking, realistic, and so beautiful that it hurts.
All in all, I'd say that this was a rather gigantic success on your part.